AAAAHHHH

To quote Kathy, "I need someone to organize my life".

He wasn't right for me. I couldn't pretend. I'm probably leaving this place and it isn't fair to him. He deserves the best and I'm not the one to give that to him. I'm worried about him. Really worried. I still care about him and he has a special place in my heart but I can't give him what he needs. I can't give him stability, security, or commitment. I'm young. I can't give anyone that.

I need to go home. Home is normal. People know how to drink at home without going crazy. People at home don't do stupid shit when they are high. If they party they have people backing them up and they know how to take responsibility. People at home don't have the qualities of borderline addicts.

I need to be in a place where everyone is accepted for who they are. A place where people aren't afaid of the rest of the world. A place where people embrace others and enjoy life. I miss the city.

DESPERATE

You've got to be kidding. Way to screw yourself over nut case. I would divorce my wife too if she was too dumb to read the pre nup before she signed it.

WTF

THIS BITCH IS CRAZY.


For senior, abortion a medium for art, political discourse
Martine Powers
Staff Reporter
Published Thursday, April 17, 2008


Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself "as often as possible" while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process.

The goal in creating the art exhibition, Shvarts said, was to spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body. But her project has already provoked more than just debate, inciting, for instance, outcry at a forum for fellow senior art majors held last week. And when told about Shvarts' project, students on both ends of the abortion debate have expressed shock . saying the project does everything from violate moral code to trivialize abortion.

But Shvarts insists her concept was not designed for "shock value."

"I hope it inspires some sort of discourse," Shvarts said. "Sure, some people will be upset with the message and will not agree with it, but it's not the intention of the piece to scandalize anyone."

The "fabricators," or donors, of the sperm were not paid for their services, but Shvarts required them to periodically take tests for sexually transmitted diseases. She said she was not concerned about any medical effects the forced miscarriages may have had on her body. The abortifacient drugs she took were legal and herbal, she said, and she did not feel the need to consult a doctor about her repeated miscarriages.

Shvarts declined to specify the number of sperm donors she used, as well as the number of times she inseminated herself.

Art major Juan Castillo '08 said that although he was intrigued by the creativity and beauty of her senior project, not everyone was as thrilled as he was by the concept and the means by which she attained the result.

"I really loved the idea of this project, but a lot other people didn't," Castillo said. "I think that most people were very resistant to thinking about what the project was really about. [The senior-art-project forum] stopped being a conversation on the work itself."

Although Shvarts said she does not remember the class being quite as hostile as Castillo described, she said she believes it is the nature of her piece to "provoke inquiry."

"I believe strongly that art should be a medium for politics and ideologies, not just a commodity," Shvarts said. "I think that I'm creating a project that lives up to the standard of what art is supposed to be."

The display of Schvarts' project will feature a large cube suspended from the ceiling of a room in the gallery of Green Hall. Schvarts will wrap hundreds of feet of plastic sheeting around this cube; lined between layers of the sheeting will be the blood from Schvarts' self-induced miscarriages mixed with Vaseline in order to prevent the blood from drying and to extend the blood throughout the plastic sheeting.

Schvarts will then project recorded videos onto the four sides of the cube. These videos, captured on a VHS camcorder, will show her experiencing miscarriages in her bathrooom tub, she said. Similar videos will be projected onto the walls of the room.

School of Art lecturer Pia Lindman, Schvarts' senior-project advisor, could not be reached for comment Wednesday night.

Few people outside of Yale's undergraduate art department have heard about Shvarts' exhibition. Members of two campus abortion-activist groups . Choose Life at Yale, a pro-life group, and the Reproductive Rights Action League of Yale, a pro-choice group . said they were not previously aware of Schvarts' project.

Alice Buttrick '10, an officer of RALY, said the group was in no way involved with the art exhibition and had no official opinion on the matter.

Sara Rahman '09 said, in her opinion, Shvarts is abusing her constitutional right to do what she chooses with her body.

"[Shvarts' exhibit] turns what is a serious decision for women into an absurdism," Rahman said. "It discounts the gravity of the situation that is abortion."

CLAY member Jonathan Serrato '09 said he does not think CLAY has an official response to Schvarts' exhibition. But personally, Serrato said he found the concept of the senior art project "surprising" and unethical.

"I feel that she's manipulating life for the benefit of her art, and I definitely don't support it," Serrato said. "I think it's morally wrong."

Shvarts emphasized that she is not ashamed of her exhibition, and she has become increasingly comfortable discussing her miscarriage experiences with her peers.

"It was a private and personal endeavor, but also a transparent one for the most part," Shvarts said. "This isn't something I've been hiding."

The official reception for the Undergraduate Senior Art Show will be from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. on April 25. The exhibition will be on public display from April 22 to May 1. The art exhibition is set to premiere alongside the projects of other art seniors this Tuesday, April 22 at the gallery of Holcombe T. Green Jr. Hall on Chapel Street.


What kind of demented sick childhood did this chick have? Seriously. Did she not get enough hugs? Is she ok with being a fame whoring bitch at the expense of completely morally degrading herself? What if she caused permanent damage to herslef? Fuck that she deserves permanent damage for this demented display. I don't care what side of the abortion debate you are on this is just SICK.

Changes

My best friend was looking through her old emails and found this rant that i wrote to her ex boyfriend:

I'm feeling much better than I expected to. I feel more weird than I do sad. And the reason for that is that I know that right now isn't the time for a serious relationship. I'm going to have a lot of stuff going on. I'm leaving next week to start a new life practically on my own, I have no idea how hectic school is going to be, or how difficult it would be for either of us to visit each other. I understand that even though its only two hours away it may be difficult to see each other as much as we would like and in order for a relationship to survive you still need to see your significant other often enough. I also know that even though we miss each other and were miserable for a couple of days that we made the right decision for now. We are both young and we realize that we don't need to be tied down when big changes occur. I miss the little things terribly but I know deep in my heart that this is probably for the better. Right now I know that the best thing is just to move on.

I'm happy that we are still good friends. I'm happy that we can talk everyday without feeling awkward. I am glad that even though it's difficult to give up something so wonderful that went on for so long that we are handling it as mature adults.

I guess this is where I should begin my disclaimer. First of all, the person that this is directed to knows who they are. Second, this has nothing to do with her; she didn’t tell me to write it, she didn’t tell me what to write, and she didn’t tell me to be a bitch. So don’t take it out on her. This is all my opinion and my thoughts and since you think you know me so well then this shouldn’t come as a surprise. I know how much you like to analyze things so analyze this.

You have no right to say anything about me or my relationship. The fact of the matter is that you don’t fucking know me. You can’t figure me out by reading what I write on a computer screen. You get so busy trying to figure other people out and you don’t realize that the only person you need to figure out is yourself.

Granted, I don’t exactly know you like the back of my hand either. However, I can tell you what you make yourself out to be. You make yourself seem like an insecure attention whore who is never happy and can’t accept change. You make scenes and push people away. I would give you examples but I don’t want to embarrass you any more than I have to. You make yourself seem uncomfortable in your own skin. Sorry to sound so blunt but I don’t tend to sugar coat things that people need to hear.

I don’t know if you talk shit to feel better about yourself or because you are just an asshole. Or maybe it’s just to get a rise out of her which I would assume doesn’t work in your favor. So let me clarify a few things for you since you seem to be confused.

One, it’s my body I can do whatever the hell I want with it. I did not desecrate my body contrary to what you may believe. If you don’t like it tough I’m not here to impress you and I never asked for your opinion. Besides if you were so uncomfortable to begin with then why did you go? It is beyond me why anyone would go somewhere where they would feel uncomfortable. In fact, in my opinion that just shows weakness and that you would go along with whatever anyone says. So then of course afterwards since you feel uncomfortable you must put on a shit face for the rest of the day. Of course you don’t finish there; you then deem it necessary to talk out of your ass.

Two, you really pushed it with that comment about me liking another guy. If you had any sensitivity whatsoever and weren’t so wrapped up in your own shit then you would know that I never would have done that to Mark. Not only would you put me in a bad position you would also put Matt in a bad position thanks to your false accusations. Luckily for all of us Mark would take my word (as well as hers and Matt’s) over yours any day. You know what, I’m sorry you are heartbroken. I’m sorry it’s so hard for you. However, that doesn’t give you an excuse to make it harder for someone else going through something similar. Just because you are oh so miserable doesn’t mean everyone else has to be too. I’m sorry that it kills you to see other people happy. You’re not the first person with a broken heart and you won’t be the last so get over it.

Now despite everything you just read I think you have the potential of not being so pitiful. In all seriousness, I do really think that deep down you are a good guy. Believe it or not she does care about your well being and she does want to be your friend. Don’t tell me it’s impossible because I can tell you from recent experience that it’s not. You can’t make her have feelings for you. You can’t push her because one day you may just push too hard and you’d regret it. You can’t make scenes because there is only so much of that someone can take. You can’t put your life on hold. You can’t say things just to get a rise out of her, especially if they aren’t true.

The only thing you can do is move on. Figure out how to make yourself happy. Use your energy to gain confidence and become comfortable in your own skin. Go out. Have fun. Don’t dwell on the past.

This may sound really cheesy but just so you know that I don’t hate your guts I’m going to leave you with this quote ,“Living in the past is like driving a car by looking in the rear view mirror” or something like that. And just in case you are wondering, though I had to defend myself this was actually meant to help you.


Its amazing how things change. I wrote that almost 2 years ago but it seems much longer. Several drunken nights, some cigarettes, a ridiculous amount of work, new friends, new boyfriend, great memories, an emotional rollercoaster and some newfound independence later and it would seem that I am a completely different person. College has taught me that that the best education you are going to get isn't from sitting in a classroom listening to a professor talk. Instead, the best education is from experience. School of life bitches.

Might as well be Irish

My boyfriend Matt got me my first claddagh ring for my birthday :) Now we both have one.

This is a picture of us at a bar in Naples. You can see all the crowd photos HERE. The sweetest lady named Hollie does the karaoke and takes pictures. She posts them all under the link "Showtime Karaoke".



In other news, I have no idea how the hell I'm supposed to write 15 pages on THIS:

SONNET 62
Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye
And all my soul and all my every part;
And for this sin there is no remedy,
It is so grounded inward in my heart.
Methinks no face so gracious is as mine,
No shape so true, no truth of such account;
And for myself mine own worth do define,
As I all other in all worths surmount.
But when my glass shows me myself indeed,
Beated and chopp'd with tann'd antiquity,
Mine own self-love quite contrary I read;
Self so self-loving were iniquity.
'Tis thee, myself, that for myself I praise,
Painting my age with beauty of thy days.